famous_dead

that i've lost all hope in music, and that all that magically realism it was sugar coated in, that created this false hope and in a way was like Santa Claus to me, is gone. it no longer makes my pulse slow or quicken. It no longer gives me goose bump and transports me to a different world. perhaps its that the child in me has died. And it is till now, sitting in the dark unable to relax that this revalation has hit me. I've tried to some how revive this feeling in me. But it has ,i fear, forever escaped my grasp. It somehow can no longer toy with my emotions and bring me to tears like it did not to long ago. Now the songs that once provoked such a strong feeling in me, just make me nostalgic. What has truly happened to me? I was so wrapped up in this fantasy relam of music, i could not have just fallen out of the sky and hit my head...

i need it, i want it back. I need it to survive, and i fear i will not make whole if I do not redeeem it. Music was a big part of me, it was the only passion i knew. and now that it has temporarily {perhaps..permenantly} left me, i feel even more vulnerable. and lost.

the music is your special friend.

LETICIA VALENTE SINCE OF NOW IS A MUSIC ACADEMY KID.

http://www.hamiltonmusic.org/


i am pretty psyched about that, and pretty much terrified about my lovely classes.


PERIOD 1: Chemistry A TEACHER: Polsky
PERIOD 2: Beginning Orchestra A TEACHER: Miller
PERIOD 3: Spanish For The Spanish Speaking 1A TEACHER: Ovalle
PERIOD 4: Algebra 2 A TEACHER: Reisenfield
PERIOD 5: AP US History A TEACHER: Casey
PERIOD 6: Black & White Still Photography TEACHER: Burton
PERIOD 7: AP English Language A TEACHER: Hartman


I pretty much selled my soul to the devil , i mean my councilor suggested that it was for the best to take regular chemistry isnted of honors chem because i had already too much work =|


god save us all

i am sadly disappointed.


i am all over the place, in anger and frustration.

ALL I FUCKING WANT TO DO IS POST MY DAMN FUCKING ANDREW VANWYNGARDEN FIC AND GET SOME FUCKING GOOD FEEDBACK ON IT.
BUT THERES IS NO GOD DAMN PLACE FOR IT!


and then when i think i found the perfect place, i have to go through this screening process, wait four days, to get rejected. =|

I'm sorry, but the moderators have voted not to give you posting access at this time. However, you are encouraged to re-apply at a later date. This community encourages improvement and will always give you a second chance. Please don't be discouraged!

Here is what the mods had to say about your writing, if you're curious:

----
I vote no.
Most of the time I was confused and couldn't really grasp what you wanted to say with your stories. The plotlines were vague and didn't give much support to the characters' actions, leaving the story feeling empty and somehow meaningless. I noticed you used short sentences and paragraphs, but whereas it can be an emphasizing factor in a text it perhaps wasn't the best possible style option for these ones.
Your grammar wasn't lacking badly, but the mentioned short sentences and paragraphs made it difficult to follow the events. Give some thought on how to make your text intact - it's as much a structure matter as a plot/character one.
---
I think this writer shows a lot of potential. She does, however, need a beta, and one she can learn from. The stories are reasonably good and all but the ATL one show a good understanding of the storywriting process, but there are too many errors that need correcting, things that I feel will probably be learned as she becomes a more experienced writer. I don't feel I can approve her currently, however.
---
I definitely think you have potential, but I have to say no. Your characterization and plot didn't feel very deep, and I noticed some grammar mistakes (mostly misplaced commas). I think with a good beta and a little practice your writing would improve a lot.
----

I hope the feedback is useful, and I hope you'll apply again in the future.

arggggggggggggg its fucking irritating.
because all i want is to post it, and have people read it and enjoy it.


fuck you quizilla for going so gay. =\

i am going to go and beat the crap out of my hand by writing more andrew relentlessly

leticia, has fallen madly in love with Andrew Vanwyngarden and there is no cure for it.

only time haha =)

goshh MGMT is so wonderful

hopefully september 20, i will see him and it'll be lovely.


the great gatsby, is such a good book!
but a sucky movie , except when myrtle gets run over.... hilarious.

=D


summer is almost over and i find it horrible.
i hate that insted of SEP 7 we're going back on SEP 2.

I MEAN FUCK, thats too scoon. i want another month and a week, so i can sleep in and yawn and wake up around 12


i am debating on rather, just posting my andrew story here.

hallelujah lies (1:05:45 AM): WHAT IS IT WITH SKINNY PEOPLE FITTING THEMSELVES INTO DYERS?!?!
hallelujah lies (1:05:51 AM): DRYERS*
why hello peanut (1:05:54 AM): trendy?
hallelujah lies (1:06:06 AM): apparently
hallelujah lies (1:06:12 AM): its the new, scene thing to do
hallelujah lies (1:06:21 AM): get in it and take it from a trendy angle
hallelujah lies (1:06:22 AM): lol
why hello peanut (1:06:24 AM): yep yep
why hello peanut (1:06:25 AM): sigh.
hallelujah lies (1:07:04 AM): someone is going to end up dying..and they're gonna be like OH NO MCR !!! DID IT THEY SING ABOUT GOING INTO DRYERS!
hallelujah lies (1:07:05 AM): lol
why hello peanut (1:07:15 AM): AHAHAHAHAHA
hallelujah lies (1:07:22 AM): lol
why hello peanut (1:07:27 AM): AHAHAHAHAHA
hallelujah lies (1:07:37 AM): and gerards going to be like .WHEN THE FUCK DID WE DO THAT?!??!
hallelujah lies (1:07:51 AM): and then you see mikey in the backgorounf in the dryer. gonig "weeeeeeeeeeee"
hallelujah lies (1:07:52 AM): lol
why hello peanut (1:08:28 AM): ahahahaha, their next single is gonna be called "the five of us are drying"
hallelujah lies (1:08:34 AM): lol
hallelujah lies (1:08:36 AM): ahahhahhaa
hallelujah lies (1:08:40 AM): ahahahahaahhahahaaaaaaha
hallelujah lies (1:08:43 AM): oh my god
hallelujah lies (1:08:48 AM): and famous last wrinkles
hallelujah lies (1:08:48 AM): ahaha
hallelujah lies (1:08:58 AM): and
why hello peanut (1:09:01 AM): AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA
hallelujah lies (1:09:02 AM): drying lessons!
hallelujah lies (1:09:03 AM): ahaha
why hello peanut (1:09:11 AM): AHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA
hallelujah lies (1:09:18 AM): ahahahha are you loling as much as i am?
hallelujah lies (1:09:18 AM): ahah
why hello peanut (1:09:25 AM): FUCKYEAH
why hello peanut (1:09:31 AM): ahahahahahahahahaha
hallelujah lies (1:09:33 AM): hahaha
hallelujah lies (1:09:38 AM): and cemetary dry
hallelujah lies (1:09:38 AM): ahaha
why hello peanut (1:09:45 AM): I WAS GONNA SAY THAT!
hallelujah lies (1:09:51 AM): ahahaha
hallelujah lies (1:09:51 AM): XD
hallelujah lies (1:09:55 AM): great minds think alike
hallelujah lies (1:10:20 AM): anddd
hallelujah lies (1:10:24 AM): hang 'em dry
hallelujah lies (1:10:25 AM): ahaha
why hello peanut (1:10:30 AM): AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
why hello peanut (1:10:44 AM): The Sharpest Dry
hallelujah lies (1:10:49 AM): and their biggest single
hallelujah lies (1:11:01 AM): HONEY, THIS DRYER ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US
hallelujah lies (1:11:02 AM): ahahahahahaha
why hello peanut (1:11:09 AM): AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA
hallelujah lies (1:11:14 AM): aahahahha
why hello peanut (1:11:24 AM): hahahahaha fucking still not over famous last wrinkles
hallelujah lies (1:11:31 AM): ahahhahahhahahaa
why hello peanut (1:12:22 AM): You know what they do to guys like us in dryers
hallelujah lies (1:12:26 AM): shahahahahaha
hallelujah lies (1:12:56 AM): lol i am not dry ( i promise!)
hallelujah lies (1:12:57 AM): ahah
why hello peanut (1:13:08 AM): IT'S NOT A FASHION STATEMENT, IT'S A FUCKING DRYER
hallelujah lies (1:13:12 AM): AHAHAHAHAHA
why hello peanut (1:13:25 AM): LOL LOL LOL
hallelujah lies (1:13:30 AM): LOL
hallelujah lies (1:13:39 AM): DRYERS WILL NEVER HURT YOU
hallelujah lies (1:13:40 AM): AHAH
why hello peanut (1:13:45 AM): AHAHAHAHAHA
hallelujah lies (1:13:48 AM): AHAHHAH
hallelujah lies (1:14:05 AM): WELCOME TO THE BLACK DRYERS
hallelujah lies (1:14:06 AM): lol
why hello peanut (1:14:09 AM): ahahahaha
hallelujah lies (1:14:28 AM): the dryer is going to kill you
hallelujah lies (1:14:29 AM): ahah
why hello peanut (1:14:52 AM): This is the best softener ever
hallelujah lies (1:15:00 AM): aahahahhahaah
why hello peanut (1:15:21 AM): BURY ME IN A DRYER
hallelujah lies (1:15:23 AM): ahahahha
hallelujah lies (1:15:32 AM): Skylines and Hangers
hallelujah lies (1:15:33 AM): ahah
why hello peanut (1:15:37 AM): agagaga
hallelujah lies (1:15:39 AM): ahhahaha
hallelujah lies (1:15:46 AM): Our lady of Softener
hallelujah lies (1:15:47 AM): ahah
why hello peanut (1:16:04 AM): ahahahahahahhaha
hallelujah lies (1:16:18 AM): Dryer Song
hallelujah lies (1:16:18 AM): ahah
why hello peanut (1:16:25 AM): ahahaha
why hello peanut (1:16:26 AM): yes
hallelujah lies (1:16:26 AM): The Dryer of You
hallelujah lies (1:16:27 AM): ahaha
hallelujah lies (1:16:39 AM): THANK YOU FOR THE DRYER
hallelujah lies (1:16:40 AM): ahahaah
why hello peanut (1:16:44 AM): ahahahahahahaha
hallelujah lies (1:16:53 AM): ahahahaha
hallelujah lies (1:17:12 AM): Early Softeners Over Dryville
hallelujah lies (1:17:13 AM): lol
hallelujah lies (1:17:58 AM): I NEVER TOLD YOU WHAT I DO FOR A DRYER
hallelujah lies (1:17:59 AM): ahahah
why hello peanut (1:24:08 AM): ahahahaha
hallelujah lies (1:54:19 AM): OMG WE FORGOT A SONG TITLE FOR MCR'S NEW ALBUM!
I BROUGHT YOU MY DRYER, YOU BROUGHT ME THE SOFTNER.
hallelujah lies (1:54:21 AM): haha
hallelujah lies (1:54:24 AM): DRYER!
hallelujah lies (1:54:29 AM): ahahaha
why hello peanut (1:56:07 AM): AHAHAHAHAHAHA




YEP WE'RE AMAZING WHEN ITS THE WEE HOURS OF THE MORNING.

Nerely,

where do i start?
how can i find the words to fill this empty page of how much your absence pains me,
how much i miss you,
how much i loved you?
No. i still love you.
and all i can think of is those moments of laughter.
how your eyes would twinkle.
how you would say my name.
Good moments that are forever ingrained in my brain.
How i wish i had known sooner.
Jesus, Nerely, i would've come to your bedside.
i would've told you all these things,
i know have to suffice writing here
it hurts me so much that i wasn't close to you in these last moments
i could've done so much.
God Nerely, why'd you have to go?
Why?
Why!
Why babe why?
i wish you knew how beautiful you really were.
you didn't need to lose any weight.
you were perfect.
Perfect in my eyes.
And now forever, lovely in my heart.
i wish i could've said goodbye
held your hand and squeezed it, one last time
told you how much you meant to me
cause doll you're taking a piece of my heart with you
a piece i had forgotten that was always yours.
and all you're leaving behind are traces of your laughter and smiles
i can hear your voice in my head.
and though this is carving me deeply
i am trying to be strong.
it pains me that i can't cry
all these tears, i want to shed for you
i want to hug you one last time
say i love you and tell you, you've been such a good person to me
and maybe, when you read this up in the heavens
you'll smile down and maybe,
I'll hear your laughter one last time.

I love you Nerely, and always will
Leticia.


R.I.P Nerely 4/9/92 - 5/23/08

i haven't written anything here since a month ago and a lot has happened..

first , the birth of Maya Elizabeth Delgado. My niece, she looks just like my brother.

second, i went to bamboozle , had the time of my life with my best friends.

but really what i want to rant about the most is so fucking broad, i dont know where to start?

should i start about how mot of my life is spent in my head, paranoid that i might accidently blur something of my secret world.

anything to give away of what i think, of what i create in my brain.

i just dont fit in. its not that i am happy being a fucking maverick

i dont even aspire to be a maverick. i just am.

i've been trying to fit in, ive been trying to please, trying to get any sign of approval, of acceptance, but teenagers can only give so much.

i am still a child who's lost caught in this median of rushing to grow up and still stay small.

i am trying to filter everything,

what i say, how i act, who my friends are, everything.

its like my paranoia has gotten extreme

i feel like i am being judge every day, at the slightest movement.
and i withdraw

i feel like people are annoyed of me. like i just have worn them out. worn them out of their tolerance for me

i just want someone to tell me its okay. tell me they accept me, tell me i am not insane.
that i am loved , that i am normal.

because i sure ass hell dont feel normal.
everyone has their personality
i copy other personality.
i change all the time
i am different.
i get hurt at what they say.
i take things personally.
criticize me and i'll never forget it.
but i'll improve, i am trying and sometimes i dont want to improve i dont want to be perfect, i just want to be me and my imperfections, me an my hyper active imagination thats my only comfort, to help me ignore my paranoid state of life.

begin thinking up a character, as i walk down the hall.

jenny
blonde , no scratch that, red head
green eyes
freckled face, with a distinct darker, larger freckle under her right eye.
bangles of all the colors on her forearm
bright blue eye shadow on her eye lids a half hearted smile on her lips


what where her life go? no one know.
she's just one of the beings that keep me sane

so i've been reading maus, a combic book/novel/memoir on the holocost. and its amazing and i am all gloomy about it

and the fact that i am once again "sprung" on maximilian robertson.
:|

its lame and i should be sleeping now but i am not and i am going to regret being up in the morning and plus i am sick.

how much do you wanna bet i'll over sleep? ( ive been waking up at noon for god sakes!)

so all this gloominess has got me well gloomy, i feel so bad for every single person who had to live through that terror of the holocost, we have absolutely nothing to complain about!

i admire all those jews, they've gone through so much shit.

and i am having wishing i did experience it and happy i didnt.
its weird...


ughh i wish life wasnt soo cliche-ic when it came to love. its annoying

i like him.....he hates me....idk

but stupid tracy made me get all lovey dovey and the hopes that max might like me. ha ha ha

thats hilarious max and me

would be like mikey way next to a cow!
AND ALICIA SIMMONS IS NO COW! i love her body, lol i think shes like perfect.

:( but who knows maybe i'll be max's alicia simmons haha

as if i could be ever soo cool as her.

EDHFJKDFGHRO;!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MIGHT GET TO MEET HER AND MCR AT BAMBOOZLE LEFT!

SCOREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

AND GOODNIGHT!

i just realized most of the titles of my post have nothing to do with the content of my post at all. its usually what first pops to my mind. but god today was tough. i learned a bad habit. i started grinding my teeth... everytime i want to snap back. i grind. i dont know why. usually when its me and my mom start to argue. i hold back. i let her call me all the names, she says i'll end up being no one. i'll sleep through life and end up bad. i sometimes wonder if i'll end up fat and unhappy , ugly and unloved.i have really low self esteem. i just wanna be pretty ,be happy, be loved. i just want to be content. i have this thing where i can never be in the middle... i am either of the extremes, too attached or too distant, i either dont need you at all, or i need you more than anything.

max needs to die. you knew this was comming, i knew this was commig. i just feel like writing words seeing whats going to come out of my mouth now. i just want to get over him i want him out of my head. my head hurts , my body feels utterly disgusting and sick, and i am pretty sure i got the flu. did i mention i was pmsing?

so for a while me and my friend had the whole max problem solved. we would make fun of him everytime i though of him we'd point something out and finally we made it seem like he was envious of me. but who would be envious of me? i weight 177 pounds i am 5'7 with mildly oily skin my pant size is a fucking 14.

i have a b average. i live in an apartment in the outskirts of hollywood and yeah its a fucking ghetto. my mom drives me to school, in a toyota highlander, i usually get new clothes when we can, we have very little money now, i am hispanic, my mothers guatemalan and my dads mexican. they only good thing about me is i learn quick, i have pale skin and my eyes are hazel, i am good at cooking wrting and art.

but really theres nothing of me you could every be jealous of, you can only compare me to you and say " at least i have it better off "

i just wish i can be happy i am trying to take all that i have and fight for a better life harder than anyone else, i want to prove that i am smart, i want to someday slap chibu and be like bitch see? i am smart. smarter than you. anything you can do i can do better.

maybe one day my mom will stop comparing me to my brother.

i was writing and then i just dont know where the stories going. so far, the character erin is a mess and refuses to drink her tea, but i have yet to find out who the main character, which the point of view comes from is. i dont even know if its a boy or girl, how he/she relates to erin, why him/her and erin are in this cafe/place why erin is paranoid, and who the stranger who offered the lighter is , if the stranger is a man or women, and if the stranger is going to be a main character. and why the main character wants erin to stop being paranoid. and why is erin paranoid? why have they been sitting for so long the main character's legs are a sleep, and why erin is so messed up :| and why is erin drinking tea and not coffee, or alcohol? and why are they wearing pea coats and why is it so windy? why does the main character smoke, and why is erin afraid of running into max? who the fuck is max? and why is he in new york?

OH THE RANDOM THOUGHTS THAT LINGER IN MY HEAD!

You all believe, you all believe
That love is gonna save us
But nothing good comes from it trust me
You all believe, you all believe
That love is coming to you
But it's your death, you'll finally see

that really speaks to me haha and then the song cuts through Dirty Business By The Dresden Dolls.

TOMORROW'S MY BIRTHDAY!

lol i am going to be sixteen, oh jesus lol.

i am simply glowing and bathing in my own happiness, who cares if max comes or not, i am going to see all my friends, and michaela! who i havent seen since the summer of 2001. :)

its fucking fantastic.

so today my friend told me that it seems that me and sergio spend most of our time together, and i said. well we're friends. but she was like noooo, its love.
and it grossed the fuck out of me, and i know that sounds mean but me and sergio do not mix together like that. sure he'll sing to me but really i couldnt deal with him in that department i can barely deal with him in the friend department.

then my friend martika decides to ask sergio if he'd ever kiss me and he said no, and i would have said the same thing if she had asked me the same thing. we just dont see each other like that. it would be too freaky if we did...

i had a mousse cake with my mom has her bosses and their kids, it was fun lots of giggling and laughing and sugar rushes haha. XD tomorrow will be even cooler and funner and amazing and just great. haha

pink floyd is god btw...


lol XD carolina is getting me their shirt and "something special" wtf could that possibly be?
possibly James McAvoy naked in my bed??!?!??!

hah he is such a sexy beast that man. lol *drools*

XD ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sexinesss, me want to touchy the hiney hahah

so its about 3 days till my birthday and my body decides it's just lovely to start getting sick. its simply great ain't it?

mimi got me right on the spot. i do tend to live in my head and yes since he was the new kid i just fit this whole story plot about how we were just gonna fall in love and when it doesnt happen. i get disappointed. so either way. i will always get disappointed in life. i just want to be normal. i feel like all these things make me feel alienated. like i am not normal i am weird , abnormal, unable to carry on a normal life. all because of my fucking imagination. i just want to blend in so badly. i don't want to be different any more... i just want to fit in... just be normal.


i care too much and its tearing me in half.


i ignore my problems and make others issues my issues, why cant i just say no? why cant i just be able to go. no you know what? no i cant help you. no i dont want to help you. figure that out for yourself. be strong i got enough on my shoulders for tonight. but then my mother voices pops in my head. about doing favors and how i am a bitch to everyone how imperfect i am. how i need to be dainty and nice and lady like. what year are we in the fucking 1800's ?

i just want my brother back. i just want him to rub my back and take me driving down sunset. tell me its alright. tell me hes missed me and everytrhing will be okay. we'll laugh and burn our tongues on our hot coffee because we're too eager to have caffeine in our bloodstream.

just a bit more . just a bit more leti, be patient.

i don't know how much longer i can hold myself together.

so in a world, where my edwards an asshole. i have my jacob.

and his name is henry. and though our roles might be backwards. he truely makes me so happy. he is just geniuenly such a great person, he's one of the few amazing boys that girls dream their whole lives about. :) and i get to call him my friend. :Dz

well i am officially obessed with the klaxons and mimi know this, i am trying to not have my world revolve around him, just know i cant just stop over night. just give me a few days okay. but i will promise you i'll try. i swear.

i am sorry i something fucking annoy the shit of you and i frustate you and do things that make no sense and attach myself to quickly to people. i am sorry. i dont know why i do, i just end up doing. just know i'll put some effort to learn and not do this again. :\

i need a life, and possibly that boy out of my head.

of come to the conclusion, max has a starring problem... thers no other reason he'd be starring at me, and ever time i send him a note, he'll reply the first time but the second time he doesnt.

oh and i just had the loviest day today today sucked.


michael decided it just be LOVELY if he hooked michelle up with max. :|

KNOWING VERY WELL HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM.>:[

I really need that boy out of my head now!


or else i am never going to function... :(


saturdays just going to be fucking LOVELY


but on the other i dont know mindless news that i just need to vent, i dont understand why i cant get a boy. i dont know what to do. :(

i am good a basketball i am friendly except when it comes to the boys i like
;(


warped tour tickets (pre sale) go out on march 14 and my b-day is on the 15 HURRAY!

MAX I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME

i hate how i am. but really i cant fucking help it IF I GET ALL FUCKING SHY WHEN IT COMES TO MAX. GOD FUCKING DAMNIT YES, I AM A PESSIMIST, YES SARA YOU'RE A HYPOCRIT, YES MICHELLE YOU'RE A BITCH AND IF YOU GET WITH MAX I AM GOING TO RIP YOUR HEAD OFF, AND HOW DARE YOU INVITE YOURSELF TO MY PICNIC!

( i hope to god pink floyd calms me down.)

so today during fourth, michelle and tali sit on either side of max. And max keeps starring at me, i dont know why. was he looking for any sign of jealousy? which for i fact i know i wouldnt have been able to hide , possibly as much i would be able to hide my blushing which would mean none of it. and god damn. i am trying to be positive but really, when you have tali and michelle, rambling along about what he's going to be doing with his spring break and they get his number. what else am i to do? but i am thanking michael for this one, he invite max to my picnic, which was great. but THEN MICHELLE. i dont care, that we were bffl in 3rd grade and that i was your first friend. you're taking max from me. knowing very well how i feel about him, and i dont care that i sound obseessed, really this is the only place i can rant my butt of , the only place i dont have to fucking lie, yes you getting his number and not me upsets me, YES YOU INVITING YOURSELF TO MY PART UPSETS ME. it angers me , I AM ALL SOUR GRAPES FOR GOD SAKES. i am calling him horrible names because i am pretty sure hes going to end up with you. but ...

theres a bit of me, a little voice thats yelling maybe.
i own you music wise michelle.
his favorite band is sublime.
you had no idea before today that there was a band named sublime for the very least.
so maybe he'll like me. maybe he does, maybe thats why he stares at me. or maybe he's a jerk who likes to toy with my feelings. but i am holding on to first one with all thats left of hope. maybe i make him feel light headed and make his knee shake like he does to me. maybe we'll find out monday, when i sit by him.

maybe, but i cant help but feel like i've lost the battle...
fuck love for god sakes fuck it all. he's messing with my head. i am falling to hard. i am liking him too fast. i am doing things so irrationally. getting my hopes to high. i am dreaming again and i cant see reality...

My birthdays in 11 days :)HURRAY!


bahaha


MAX YOU'RE A CHEATER! lol you use flash cards hahaha

i've been gone, but now i am back. AND A LOT MORE LIVELY AND FREE.

i dont know what has happened lately, or if its just the song i am listening to but i am starting not to care of what other people think. i just want to love live and listen to the complex mass of diverse music i want to listen to. so what if it jumps from judas priest to hannah montana, so what if the cure is next to boys like girls, and iron maiden next to rihanna. I LOVE EVERY ONE OF THOSE SONGS


i am starting to feel better in my own skin too. i realized no matter how much i work out and if i ever tried, starving myself i cant fit into a size 2 or 0 its just physically impossible. my hips are just to wide. and plus if i love myself someones bound to love me too.

lol =P

colleges are starting to scare me, i dont know if i should go to an art school or a school where they have an amazing literary arts field. =\ i dont even think i want to try to be in a band anymore. its just to stress ful man



OH AND BTW MAX, I LIKE YOU A LOT. AND WHEN YOU FLASHED YOUR GREEN BOXERS TO OUR WHOLE CLASS I GIGGLED THE LOUDEST.

maybe one day i can tell him that....

This isn't pretty, this will hurt you, this will leave a perment mark, a hazy fog that will always linger in the back of your mind. This is the end of a friendship. The day you and your bestfriend parted ways.

She didn't say it to me but she said it. Her words still sting, they leave me restless, I hear her words in my mind and they cut right through me.

She has always been the better of us. She's never realized it but she is. I didn't know how bad her words could hurt until now.

She's given me the gift of a rude awaking.
GROW THE BLOODY HELL UP LETICIA.
STOP FUCKING TAKING UP MY TIME WITH YOUR FUCKING PROBLEMS.

No one in the end will give a damn about you or about me. Or about anyone.

I just need to step back, realize that I am not the only one she calls best friend, know that I need to stop depending on her.

Know that she cannot keep me together, I need to know that I need to learn to stand on my own. With my feet firmly on the ground.

Its like a horrible break up only 10x worse cause the person who would tell you he was a jerk
Is the person you're breaking up with...

Only she's your bestfriend.

5 years ....

Wasted?

5 bloody years.

The end of leticia and mimi

Has not been announced to the world
But it is happening.

Slowly and suddenly she moves left while I sway right.

I am not like her anymore.

I don't shop at thrift store, I don't drink, I don't go out and stay out, I don't FUCKING CARE ABOUT POLITICS, I AM NOT A FUCKING HUMANITIES ACADEMY KID. I am none of those things that most of my friends are.

Jesus I am nothing but a pathetic child.
A child, who's realizing that I need to grow up. That I can't depend on people. That wishing isn't going to get me anywhere.

And that I need to start planning for myself only. And it hurts me, I am crying my eyes out as I write this.

This is the beginning of the end.

She'll move on , she'll miss me slightly but not as much as I will her.

I could feel it in my bones, she was growing up quicker than I was.

Maybe This is the end of leticia and mimi
Maybe I am saying this cause I am being irrational.
Maybe cause its late and I can't think straight
Maybe its the truth.

Maybe I just need to go fucking shoot myself.

I am sorry I am all fucking melodramatic
I am sorry I am something you detest
I am sorry I can't get my shit straight
I am sorry I am dead weight for you.

I am sorry I can fucking be you.

3 more days till christmas!!!


and i am for once happy as hell. lol my tree even has a scheme!!!

i wrapped the presents all by my self, chose the tree. EVERYTHING.

IT WAS BLOODLY FANTASTIC

:D

i am so pleased with myself


ughh i still have to do my homework :(

which is annoying....but hey at least my biology homework will be a since.
got an A+++++ in that class :D

and english... well.. i got a B ..

lol


oh today i posted the last chapter on my gerard way story :( its all over...



MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!